I’m Dr. Frog (a story from the zine).

Dr. Freudo Frog.

Welcome to your psychiatric session. We will start with something broad.
What do you think about when you hear romantic, highly eroticised love songs with intensely sexually charged video clips in a black and white medium?

Tommy Turtle.

Tommy… Turtle?

Yeah, Tommy Turtle. He was the best damn toy I ever had.

You… thought of Tommy as a toy?

Yeah. But I loved him anyway.

You… loved Tommy?


How old were you when you… were in love with Tommy?

Oh, I was just a kid.

Why do you… speak of Tommy in the past tense?

He’s, not with us anymore. God bless his stuffed little soul.

Tommy was… stuffed?

He was a fake, from the tip of his toes to the top of his nose, that turtle was 100% polyester. Fake.

How did Tommy… die?

He was murdered. They threw him into the fabric shredder. Like he was nothing.
I, remember the tinker bells he used to wear on his toes, they got caught in the shredder, they stuffed up the cogs. Someone had the kind thought to post one to me.
A mangled little bell. It was all I had left of him.
I, remember the day the mailman delivered it. It was a Tuesday morning. So many Tuesdays after that I dreaded the sound of the mailman’s two stroke motorbike coming down my street, sounding like a high powered mosquito.
So many Tuesdays. Three at least. If I’m honest, four.

Tommy was… murdered?

Yeah, but, that’s life. Tommy. He was one in a batrillion. Toys like Tommy, come along only once in a lifetime, that often if you are lucky.
Yeah, Tommy. Wow.

We… need more details… on Tommy’s murder.

It was a dark and stormy night. But, Tommy didn’t mind storms. He was in the Navy, you know, with the Onions and the Peas.

The… Onions… and the… Peas?

Yeah, that was Tommy’s gang.

Tell me… more about the Navy… the Onions… and the Peas…

You know the Navy, it’s a government organised gang.
As for the Onions and the Peas, well, the Peas have hearts frozen to their core, and the Onions, they would make anybody’s eyes water.
Anyway. Back to this dark, stormy night.


Tommy and I were at home, in the lounge room. All of a sudden, Tommy jumped up!! And said, I’m going to get a sausage roll!! I said no Tommy, don’t go!! He wouldn’t listen. I begged him – Tommy don’t go!! He didn’t understand!! He didn’t know!!

Tommy didn’t… know?? What didn’t Tommy know???

Oh My God!! I said – Tommy, please Don’t Go!! Because – Tommy, please Don’t Go!!


Oh fuck, I just jumped up and said it straight!!


Don’t Go!!



You know it’s a long way to the shop if you Wanna Sausage Roll!

© Shirley Burley 2013


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Shirley Burley

Artwork Craft Writing Graphic Design Photography

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